I use to keep up with my blog so easily but now it has become almost impossible for me. I have been sick for a year now and most of my passions have become nonexistent. What have I been sick with?? No idea. First, let me say I have a love hate relationship with doctors. Mostly hate but I must give gratitude to the doctors that have and continue to save my daughter’s life. For that reason alone I will always respect the place doctors have in our lives.
I have struggled with exhaustion since 9th grade. I have been able to deal with it but just over a year ago, it started to take over my life. It all started around the time we were going to move from California to Utah. To say I was stressed would be a gross understatement. Kirk had moved to Utah three weeks after getting a job offer to work for the LDS church. He moved without us and I was left to take care of the three girls, keep the house spotless and oh yeah, sell the house. He was horribly lonely without his family and I was so worried about the house selling, fast and for a decent price. Well it sold, we bought a new house in at state/area we did not know and we moved. Soon after we settled I stopped sleeping due to HORRIBLE carpel tunnel. I had hand surgery in December right before Christmas. I thought once my hand was not keeping me up all night I would be able to get sleep and return to normal. That did not happen. After months of being crazy tired, my legs hurting, and heart racing for no reason I went to the doctor. I found out that I was really bad vitamin D deficiency. I was told I had really bad Psoriasis that I did not really have it until I moved to Utah. It took about 7 months to get my vitamin D levels in to healthy range but I still did not feel better. After many doctor visits with the answer of “That’s weird. I don’t know”. I am left with feeling weak, sick, run down, my legs ache, and I am really struggling just to care for my family. My mind is increadibly foggy and I struggle putting thoughts together. I went from being the person who does everything to doing nothing. Let me say how hard that is. Just because my body does not work, that does not mean that my mind slows down.
I earn for the day to have energy to create something, abscess over nutrition, and to be able to wash our dishes without my legs throbbing.
I write this not for sympathy but understanding as to why I have disappeared.