Anyone that has ever had a sick child could probably understand not just how hard it is to see your child suffer but also what kind of games your mind plays on you. Myla got a much needed break from relapsing for almost four months. I felt like I could take a deep breath for the first time in almost two years. Myla slimmed down and she lost the dark circles under her eyes that I was so use to seeing.
Well that nice break has now ended. She relapsed a month ago and just relapsed again today. I see her face taking the round shape, double chin and dark circles under her eyes. I am seeing her slow down a little more and have more mood swings due to all the medication.
To be honest it is really, really, hard. I feel like everything is ok and that I am so strong and then days like today happen and all I want to do is hold my child and cry. I love my kids more than anything in the world and Myla has always held such a special place in my heart. I wish there was more I could do.
I know I have said this so many times but I really struggle with worrying about all the side effects she will have for the rest of her life because of the drugs that are saving her life.
Myla told me the other day that after she dies, she will not have to take medicine or have bruises again. She has also asked me why God made her this way. After we talk about it she just says, "Oh ok". That makes everything ok for her. Why can't we be as brave, strong, forgiving and loving as children???
I love you Myla.