Monday, February 22, 2010

Moms have to be strong!

I have really be struggling lately and I realize that moms don't get the chance to be sad. Maybe that is a good thing. So we don't focus on sad things like brushing Myla's hair today and seeing clumps of hair coming out. Or being so scared of the thought of a new baby coming and not knowing how sick Myla will be. How will I take care of a new born, a sick child, three other children and the house is beyond me. I believe that things will work out ok. That Myla will one day grow out of this, that my house will live through not being clean, and everything else that happens in between we will make it through. But I am still scared. I am still sad and it still makes me cry.

Today this mommy is not so strong.

OK really I know that there are people that have it a lot worse than me and I am grateful that things are not worse. Sometimes it just helps to get my feelings out. So sorry for the complaining.

Friday, February 19, 2010

a big catch

Kirk's boss is so much fun. He loves fishing, so each year he pays for Kirk to stock a pond in El Dorado Hills with 1500lbs of trout just so he can fish. Thursday morning we got up early and headed down to the pond to watch them drop all the fish in. Of course the girls LOVED it.

Then out came the poles. Benny (Kirk's boss) showed Myla how to fish and then off she went. She spent the rest of the morning fishing totally on her own and yelling every time she caught one. But she would wait to tell us until she had already reeled the fish in and it was on the dock next to her. Apparently Benny is a really good teacher.

Kirk gave Sariah her first fishing lesson and when she caught a fish I don't think she know what to think. But she got over it really fast.

I just added this one because I thought Sariah was so cute with the ducks!

Sunday, February 14, 2010


It has been eight months since Myla was diagnosed with Nephrotic Syndrome. She has been on Steroids for the whole time all but two weeks. She is considered steroid dependent, which means that as soon as we start to taper down her steroids she relapses. This time around is no different. Myla just relapsed on Friday. Kirk and I spent the day crying because we knew what that meant.

Since steroids are no longer working for her they are switching her to low dose steroids and Cytoxan which is a chemotherapy drug.

When I was talking to her doctor in Friday she said well some parents want to give steroids one more try. At this point they know steroids, they know the side effects by now and they are scared of the unknown. So she gave us the option of trying steroids one more time and told us the long term effects of her being on steroids this long. Or we could try Cytoxan and listed all the immediate side effects along with all the long term side effects. It is so hard to decide what to give her and knowing what ever our choice is there are so many side effects that will affect her.

We decided to give Cytoxan a try since the steroids are not keeping her from relapsing. As with steroids it will affect her immune system but cytoxan lowers her white and red blood cells which increase her risk for infection and also she has to continue to stay away from anyone that is sick. Let me tell you how hard it is to stay in the house all the time. I do not mind so much but I know the girls need to get out more and play with others kids.

The other most common side effects are stomach pain, nausea, vomiting, and hair loss.

We are just praying that her body will respond well with the Cytoxan and hope that she will stay in remission longer than she is now. I would LOVE to have her off all drugs and give her body a rest for at least a few months.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Kids say crazy things

Yesterday I was driving in the car with the girls and as we pass a hair salon Myla says, " Mom you should go get your hair styled." I asked why and she said, "because your hair is very black and I do not like black. My hair is golden". The way she said golden was so funny, it was like that was the ideal color! She then said, " but don't style your face because I like your face."

I guess this morning she changed her mind when she said, " mom you need to get your hair styled and your face. " I asked why my face and she said because you have red stuff (zits) on your face. Oh kids are so fun.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

just like a squirrel

Have you ever noticed Latter Day Saints are just like squirrels? We love to gather food and store food.

Today was very busy! 60 lbs of apples made into applesauce and then canned. 20 lbs of apples left to be dehydrated tomorrow. A few hundred pounds of food canned at the cannery. Where do we store all this food? Where else then under beds, closets and anywhere else we can hide it since it can not go in the garage (the heat kills the storage life of food).

It makes me think of that church movie where food storage was everywhere and all the furniture was food storage with a blanket over it. So fun. Perfect cure for the nesting stage.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The good and bad

Being pregnant is so hard for me. I love the idea of creating new life and right now is my favorite part. I love when they first start kicking but right now when she sticks her little foot out and I can feel the little shape. Or really any of her little body parts. It is totally incredible! Even though this is my third baby I still can not believe when they are born that they were really in my belly for nine months. Even now I look at Myla and Sariah and can not believe they came from me.

This gift that we as women have been given is amazing and I would never trade it for anything. It really is so amazing.

On the other side my poor girls have a very very grumpy mom. I remember being grumpy with Myla when I was pregnant with Sariah but I do not remember it this early. I was sick for 12 weeks and could not do anything for my girls and now I have 12 weeks left to go and I am totally grumpy. That is a total of six months that my girls have not had a fun mom not to mention the first three months of having a new baby and no sleep. I just pray that my girls will walk away not remembering any of the bad!
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